Loved

So excited to welcome Leslie to the blog with her first post today! You are all in for something so special as she shares a piece of her heart! Enjoy! 

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To the man I love and the woman he used to be married to…

I guess I should start out with a confession. *inhale* I never wanted kids. *exhale* I never wanted to be a mother. It just wasn’t in my life plan. Nothing against kids, I love them! Just not for me. I got married at 25 and my husband and I both agreed on no kids. Fast forward a year and a half later, we were signing divorce papers. I dated one guy after my divorce and kids were still a deal breaker. Fast forward another year and a half later and I’m having coffee with this guy I met at Costco. He proceeds to tell me he has not 1, not 2, but 3 kids! Um…ok…3 kids. Great “baby momma drama”!

Not gonna lie, Loxlia, I didn’t know what to expect with you, you were the ex wife and the world teaches us to be enemies. But somehow we managed to become friends? Like, we are suppose to be frienemies! Friendly and cordial in public, but secretly hating one another privately. Because that’s what society tells us to do, right? Exes are not suppose to get along. Especially ex wives! *gasp* *insert theatrical music*

Then you went and did something amazing. Christmas 2014, you had the boys make their thumb prints into hearts and painted them on 2 pint glasses; one for me and one for Tim. The ex wife made me a gift for a holiday I didn’t even celebrate. This chick went out of her way to accept me as “another mother” in her children’s lives! My heart started opening up to you more. And we started talking more and more.

Mother’s Day 2015 you completely knocked down the last brick in my wall. You got me a Mother’s Day gift. Let me repeat that. YOU got ME a MOTHER’S DAY gift. I don’t think I ever told you just how amazing that simple gesture was to me. I cried that day. Happy tears, of course. And it was then that I started to think maybe there’s more to her than I expected (revolutionary thought, huh?). So little by little we opened up to each other. I even took you out on a date to a movie. It was amazing how many people stared at me, mouths open, looks of astonishment transfixed on their faces when they heard I was taking my boyfriend’s ex-wife out to the movies. I secretly enjoyed their horrified gasps. I didn’t know at the time this all started how much I’d learn to admire you. Not just because of your amazing baking skills, that is a major plus, but because I couldn’t imagine what it must have felt like when you found out about me. Yes you prayed for me, but you’re human. It had to have stung a little? Yet, you never treated me like “the other woman” you treated me like a bonus mom. I love that you explained to the boys that this is all a good thing. I’m a good thing.

Then our amazing eldest saved my life by asking me to church. I thought my life flipped upside down when I met y’all…good lawd. I decided to follow Jesus again and walk in the path of Christianity. I’m no Christian scholar, but I do know, now, that it was all God who pulled me through my personal hell to bring me to Tim and those boys. He had this amazing plan all along. His Grace is never ending and I just want to thank you for seeing me as He sees me. Loved.

Tim, on our first date you gave me 2 rules, to know that I’m worth it and deserving, and not to fall in love with you. I failed miserably.

I wanted to tell you I love you after the 3rd date. I’ve never been one to follow rules (as we already know) so I jumped in, head and heart first. I was crazy about you even when we didn’t have the kids, but when I saw you with them, and how much they love you and how much you love them, I was head over heels! Those boys are so, so lucky to have you as their father. They adore you! And I know they are what kept you going after your divorce. They were the reason you got out of bed most days. I totally understand that now.

Remember when we first met and I told you I don’t care about marriage (ha! Don’t you wish that were still true? *wink*) and I don’t want kids…oh! And, minor detail…I hate Christianity, and I practice witchcraft and worship the moon? For someone who grew up eating, sleeping and breathing the word of God I’m so surprised how well you took that last part. You never pushed me into your beliefs and never judged me. It was refreshing. Even in this day in age, when you tell someone you’re a witch they automatically think you sacrifice goats and eat children. So, thank you for not judging me. Thank you for trusting me.

Funny how God works, huh? I won’t tell your whole story, I’ll save that for you, but you had this “idea” to use me as a way of staying away from God. And God was like, “Ha ha ha…Tim, man, just wait…check this out, I’m gonna get you back…and Leslie is gonna help me!”

I hope you know how lucky we are to have a son like Wade. That kid has one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen. I often wonder if he knows just how spectacular the simple gesture of inviting me to church was. He had no idea how much I struggled with the idea of Jesus and the Bible. And how I thought it was all a joke! My soul is saved because of a 12 year old. Crazy huh? No. Beautiful. Crazy beautiful.

Tim, I need you to know how proud I am of you. Proud of how far you’ve come from being devastatingly broken from a divorce. Going from seeing your kids every single day to only seeing them on weekends and special occasions. You need to know how incredible you are for accepting that there’s another man in your kids lives. Teaching them things you thought you’d be teaching them. To let go of the wheel and to trust that God knows what he’s doing and knowing with all your heart that He will always have your back is truly inspiring. I’m so lucky to have met you. You and those amazing boys have transformed my broken and guarded heart. And through the Grace of God we have pulled through and will continue to do so.

I love you. I love our boys. I love our life and I especially love our blended, beautiful family.